I feel like shit. There is no beating around the bush. Weighing in at 80.8kg/177.8lbs I just annoyed. I almost feel like how I feel about my damn work. Why the fuck do I keep trying. Shit is changing. My body just wants to stay right here despite everything I do. I pretty much gave up today and ate some foods not much. I mean I look fat in my work uniform now. I can see I gained weight and I hate it. I just hate it.
It's like I wish I could go back to not caring but I can't. This computer is pissing me off at the moment. Trying to type this post and I am typing so fast the computer can't keep it. It keeps grouping words together or picking up the space bar at the wrong time.
My husband is still annoying me. This time is because he is not giving me sex. Whatever. I am ready for his ass to go to work so I can pull out my toy since he doesn't want to take care of business.
One of my social buddies kind of hates me now. Not that I blame her. I kind of was drunk flirting with her boyfriend. Not just for the record I was friends with her boyfriend before her ass was even thought of. Doesn't help that she treats him like shit. I am going to tell him when I get off of here do not text me anymore. You have some relationship issues text my damn husband.
Had this guy I was friends with that I stopped talking to because my husband didn't like the guy text me today after a year. He is married now after he told me he never planned to get married or have kids. Lying piece of shit. Sorry we hooked up one time and he is a great guy. So I tried pursuing him but he said I don't want marriage or kids but then marries whoever this women is. Yeah I am pissed. I told him I couldn't talk to him because of how my husband felt( he threatened divorce if I kept talking to the guy ) He just said good bye. Like our friendship didn't mean shit. Smh just so annoyed.
Not sure how my post will be for the next couple of days or weeks. I am in my "fuck the world and everything in it" mode.
See you on the next post.
Whoa what happen dear? Sounds like in mess? Im praying all the best to you dear.
ReplyDeleteI don't know the whole dynamics but I go through these periods where I hate the world. That is this time. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck, working a job I don't like, and being fat. Tired of being fat and seeing that stupid scale move 1-2lbs and then it goes back up. Ridiculous.
DeleteAnnoyed with the husbeast (husband) seems like the theme for the month of January.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, you need to start putting yourself first in life. Let go of the stress!
I haven't read of too many people having other problems. Yeah all I wanted was some love but no. He is in whatever mood he is in and I will be in mine.
DeleteI am trying to. Kind of hard when you start dreading to wake up every morning :-/
You are have a few bad days.. just try to put it behind you - look at how far you have come and you will be able to get back on track..
ReplyDeleteI know way too well how it feels to feel like nothing works and to give up - but lets face it.. IF you had given up, you wouldn't be here, caring..
You will be fine - just give your self some time :)
(PS: husbands ARE annoying.. )
I like how you said it is just a few bad days. It feels like weeks seriously.
DeleteI want to give up but I can't. I am getting my ass back in gear now :-)
I am blocking out hubby. I don't have time for his whining. I know he was loving the thinner me but shit me too. I have to work to get there and stay there. But let me have my eats once in a while or I will go crazy. As for the sex, he will come around. I gave it a week. I may not want it then.
omg babe
ReplyDeletethink of Sam. i've been stuck in the 147-165 region, fluctuating over and over again for the last year. i feel like if i break down to my lowest weight (142.5), that nothing can stop me but that's not happening soon. i'm trying low-carb right now and see how that fairs.
OMG i know exactly how that's like with the keyboard and shit. sometimes, my keyboard acts up on Facebook and i have to refresh the page it sucks monkey butt
well, well, i'm enjoying that tidbit about your sex life way too much. :P i don't think i can find a sex toy in a religious country though. and i don't want to ship one in case my Dad goes like ".....WTF IS THIS"
i hate men. they're controlling son of a bitches. shockingly, my Mother's the controlling one in the relationship and it's ugh. i hate it even more when the chick is controlling. he tries to soften her up, but i'm a Daddy's girl.
-Sam Lupin
First thing I see this morning! My head is killing me but I still had to laugh. God I look so forward to your comments.
DeleteNo wonder you have been freaking out! You got down to 147. I haven't seen that number since I was 18. I am going to be 28 this year. That says it all.
Yeah you may not want to take that risk with the sex toy. Although they ship them in a normal box so no one would know. But the one I have you can get any where. It's a personal massage thingy. The one where you can change the tips. I just put the round tip on it and then I am good to go. If I wanted the vibrate one that looks like a penis. Yeah I would have to order that one online.
Hope that wasn't too much info.